The Land of Vichy

The name Vichy is synonymous with health and well-being, so I decided to venture south over this french long weekend and see for myself. I had pictured in my head, a sensuous spa. Massages, reflexology and hot stone therapy in a calm, ambient environment and perhaps the distant thought of water was in the back of my head as well. Calm, zen and luxurious, Vichy was not! The Vichy Celestins Spa is au contraire. I cannot say it was bad, it was just VERY different to what I expected. It's all about water in fact. Silly me. The spa is founded around the natural hot springs native to Vichy. Hot water spouts from natural geysers at a temperature of 43.5 degrees centigrade. Hotter than a bath! And, its salty. First day we handed a list of three treatments. First one was a bath in cedar oil. Second a " jet tonique" and thirdly, an enveloppement (a wrap - and not the eating kind). The bath was pretty sedate, an intense jacuzzi-type bath with a few extra "jets" to shock your muscles into working. The "jet tonique' proved to be the terror machine. Calmly, you are herded into a huge shower, disrobed and told to hold on to a handlebar on the wall, with your back toward the therapist. They then stand with a hose in hand and basically hose you down with a jet of water that is so strong you feel like you are being gunned down by a firing squad. I had read a Peter Mayle book a few years before where he goes to a spa and has this done, so it rang and immediate bell. Needless to say I invoked as much Yoga nidra and calm as I could, closed my eyes and tried to meditate my way through the pain. This, and I kept on reminding myself it was good for me and would be over soon. Surprisingly enough, I felt amazing after it was over and l headed to my mud wrap where I finished my first day. That night, I slept better than I have in weeks.
Day two required invoking some serious courage to get myself to the spa and face the firing squad because, as luck had it, I was starting with the "jet tonique" or rather the good ol' hose down first. Minutes leading up to it where spent in dread but once again, thereafter I felt great. I believe a lot people go there to cure ailments. In the "old days", people used to go there for the "cure" from arthritis to infertility. Josephine Bonaparte herself regularly attended therapies such as these to help her get pregnant to produce and heir for Napoleon. Alas she never did. For me, I was just there to experience one of the great french institutions at their best. Clinical, methodical and effective, I feel a great deal better. More toned and better circulation yes! But calm and relaxed. I think I may have to go somewhere else for that...